Being a father now-a-days is more
fulfilling and rewarding, yet busier than ever. I am
not trying to sound like a masculinist,
but there is sort of a double standard set upon on us present-day fathers,
not only by our nurturing wives and baby-Mommas, but by society in
general. At least here in San Diego’s
progressive society. Think about what is
expected of you as a husband and father,
and what is put on your plate daily.
Most of us are working full time, and the minute we clock out, we
immediately are taking over duties as primary parent, if not volunteering at
their schools, or assisting as coaches, helping with homework, not to mention grinding
through at least half the load of household chores. ‘Stay-at-home-Mom’
– what’s that? Many of us have a
(equally busy) wife who also works at least part time, just to be able to
afford to live in beautiful San Diego and provide our families the lifestyle it
offers. What’s more, no San Diego mom I
know of is willing to be content just tending to the home and kids. Mothers these days have yoga classes,
extensive social groups, hobbies, and a serious list of personal goals! We
Dads pick up the domestic slack by donning every hat in the household often with zero appreciation in return because
it is what is expected of us. It’s
considered our duty and even a privilege.
Don’t misunderstand me. There are few things as rewarding in life as
spending quality time with our children, and most of us desire to be more
involved and hands-on, if given a choice.
But all this means time for Dad is pushed to the bottom of the honey-do list and is often considered
low priority by spouses and bosses alike.
Just finding time to go for a run, or go to the gym can not only be near
impossible, but can be wrongfully perceived as selfish, or putting
ourselves before our family. Any opportunity
for continued personal growth and self-mastery? – Well sorry, but that is a
luxury that we left behind the moment we had to put together the crib for baby
#1. Or so it might seem.
The truth is, while you might have
to pause for a decade or so at becoming an expert at mastering you, nothing makes us grow and mature
more than fatherhood. Perhaps there is
no greater opportunity to love another human being, more than fatherhood. If you are blessed with children, know that the
collective experience of raising a family leaves us wiser and more evolved
during life’s journey. Leading a family and household is as great
a challenge as any corporate C.E.O. will face, and what used to be the sole home-making domain of the mother is now
equally shared with us fathers. Like it
or not, we have become fully domesticated.
But back to finding time to still workout…
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| Max with daughters Bryce Ava and Summer, Honolua Bay, Maui, October 2013. |
You are not selfish for taking some
time each day to workout. It is
humanistic to be better for everyone else in your life, if you fix yourself
first. If you take some personal
time each day for your holistic fitness whether it be meditation, yoga, a run,
a gym workout, or a surf, you will be so much better prepared and grounded to
handle whatever challenges pop up the rest of your day, both personal and
professional. You won’t resent your
family for sucking up all your time. You
will be able to clear your head and vent off a lot of stress rather than
possibly projecting it on to your kids or your dog. Your patience threshold will expand, allowing
you to better handle all the stress the rest of your family members unload on
you. Fight for that precious time to get
your workout in and be all about you – even it is only for 30 minutes a
day. We make this happen by opening our
calendar the night before and scheduling it for all other family members to
witness and agree to. If you get your
workout into the family master-calendar of events, it will happen! Another way, is to join a fitness group or
sports’ team, where the entire group is counting on you to show up. Accountability is priceless, and perhaps your
wife will be more on board if she knows your buddies need you to participate.
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| Double duty Dad, Always!..there's a baby in there! |
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| WSA surf contest, grom push-in division, Circa 2011 |
There are many opportunities to fit
in fitness with your children as well.
While not the same as being able to have that essential, critical, solo
time, exercising with your family can be equally as rewarding and of course
doubly productive. When we are being
active with our kids it is a win-win
for all. Many fathers put on their
coaching hats and get involved that way.
Others just train with their kids – that’s what I do. It is a different kind of intensity for sure,
but still challenging. Because at a
certain point in the adult vs. youth athletic performance graph, your kid
starts to take you down in certain areas of skill and/or fitness. Age and time are always working in their
favor, which seems unfair, but since it is your own kid beating you, in a way
that is not such a bad thing. In fact
eventually, your kid can serve to motivate you as roles reverse and you try to
keep up with them. Not there yet with
your kid? Give it a few years. It goes by quick, so as tired and under-appreciated
as you may feel as your family’s fearless leader, try and enjoy every moment!
The key is to keep it fun.
This is so important. Not trying
to preach, but if your kid begins to
feel too much pressure or expectation from you to perform, they may just start
avoiding workouts with dear old Dad.
There’s nothing wrong with a little coaching from Dad but when it comes
down to it with kids and sports, at
the end of the day, they just want to feel unconditional love from their
father. Walking your (coaching) talk and setting a good athletic example is
not such a bad idea either, so take care of yourself, and stay in the ‘game’
when possible, not just on the sidelines!
Your own game-of-fitness that is – otherwise your kid’s real coach may
ban you from attending.
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| There is a fine line between donning your coaching hat and just being a supportive father, full of unconditional love. We all must experience this journey ourselves - nobody can tell us what is the best way. Circa 2011 Vans Combi Pool Classic. |
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Dad Max & Eldest Daughter, Bryce Ava, circa 2011 - To this day we both find great joy in skating and surfing together. It is something very special between us. Especially now that I have learned to be 'coach' only when she asks me to.   |
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